Lunch Thief Learns a Spicy Lesson


fire-mouth400The 21st century is a tough place for bullies, with awareness of the social issue of bullying at an all-time high and tolerance at an all-time low. Not reserved for children only, one lunch-stealing adult was recently taught a lesson.

As a man recently reported on Reddit, his wife’s lunch was being stolen on a regular basis by the same co-worker. The situation angered him enough that he decided to get revenge.

“So I’m a bit of a chili head. Love my hot sauces. I also love to cook. I also cook my wife a delicious lunch each day. She kept complaining that someone was stealing her lunch every couple of days out of the fridge at work. So I made her some buffalo wings for lunch to put in the fridge. They are really popular with her colleagues but I spiced them up just a little with some Blair’s 4 AM Reserve.”

Note to readers: “Blair’s 4 AM Reserve” is an American hot sauce. “Hot” is not a fair description of this substance, which is not even a sauce but purified, crystallized capsaicin – the element in chili peppers that gives them their spiciness. “Blair’s 4AM Reserve” is the crack cocaine of the hot sauce world. Just to give you an idea of how extremely, dangerously spicy it is – each drop is meant to be diluted with 5 liters of water.

“I added a couple of drops of Blair’s 4 AM Reserve per wing with a nice dusting of ghost chili powder for good measure. I did eat a couple to make sure it didn’t kill anybody, they were real hot. Even cream doesn’t cut the heat, and ghost chilies keep getting hotter for about five minutes.”

That day at work, the gentleman’s revengeful recipe had the desired effect: shortly after the thieving co-worker stole the lunch as usual, he began screaming in pain, and proceeded to vomit over and over again.

“Apparently the moans sounded like he was dying. My wife just sat there innocently pretending nothing was wrong. Needless to say she has not lost a single lunch since.”